bottlecaplogs | October Catch-All

[He's quiet for several moments. When he looks at Siffrin, it feels a little like he's really seeing them for the first time.

Not like he's tried to look before.]

...

[... has he ever hated someone that much? It was mostly experimentation to him. Sometimes he got mad, and he thought he wanted to kill Siffrin after they first met, but...]

Before you, I've only met one other person who reset. And they... did everything right. Had fun with it. Saved me, even, for a bit.

They went off to live with everyone. The people who were once my parents. People who I killed too many times to count. People who they loved and were loved by in return.

They got their 'happily ever after'. I stayed behind, alone. It was better for everyone.

Then I wound up here. I was so confused. I had been transformed again. I was lost underground, but it wasn't the same. Everything wanted to kill me. And then I saw inside your head.

YOU, Siffrin. You... You also understood what it was like. But even at your worst, you were better than me. You never killed your friends. You stopped seeing them as people, but you still loved them.

And when you found a way out, you... haha. You weren't too cowardly to take it.

[He was too scared to find out what happened. To die without a soul. He would rather kill everyone else a million times than stop existing.]

... I know that wasn't good for you. And I know your loops were different. OBVIOUSLY they were different. You still had a soul. You weren't like me.

Even so. I got mad. I wanted to test you. I wanted to see if I could make you attack me. Make you kill me. Because then I wouldn't be the only one.

But I am. There's nobody else who's like me. There's nobody else who knows what it feels like. That person, the one who did it all right. When I think about them now... I still don't feel anything for them.

I never will.

[During his monologue, they reach a cave. Flowey hesitates before entering it. It's familiar and comfortable to have a roof over his head. It also makes him feel like he'll never get back out.]

... so yes. I meant it.

Edited 2025-10-09 04:40 (UTC)

[Siffrin listens, silent. Probably unsurprisingly, they don't meet Flowey's eyes throughout - or at least not for very long - but their unfolded ear is swiveled toward him the whole time.]

[It's true, though: they both understand and don't. The idea of someone having fun with a time loop feels so alien to them, emotionally, that it almost makes them mad - even now, even when they're doing better than they have been for months. (Years.) They understand Flowey so much better than they could ever understand someone like that.]

[But they also don't understand Flowey. They don't want to understand the exact kind of feeling that makes someone kill their loved ones over and over, because what if understanding makes them become that person? They were so angry, sometimes, at the Universe, at everyone, even at their friends - and they never meant the last one for long, but what if they'd started to? And they don't understand anything about Flowey and his soul, either; they didn't know it was possible to exist without one.]

[...they don't know what to say, really. But they have to say something.]

[...]

I don't think... your test was very fair? [Wait no that sounds bad, that's not what they meant -] To you, I mean!

Um. Like you said. Our loops were different...

[They hesitate, trying to figure out how to put what they're feeling into words.]

You weren't putting me in yours, you were just trying to make me upset. [And, well, he sure did!!] But that's not the same. If you could put me in your loops, then...

[Then who knows what would've happened? They don't want to think about it.]

[They scramble for something else to add, but they don't have anything comforting to say about not being understood. They've... thought it themself, sometimes. Is there any way to be truly understood? You'd need another you. ~~weird point sound effect~~ They're not even going to touch the bit about cowardice right now, they absolutely think they were the coward for trying to find a way out, but if they say something about it they'll probably end up implying something terrible. (They're pretty sure they shouldn't be talking about how often they want...ed to just stop existing to someone who was a preteen like a week ago, anyway??)]

[They are so not equipped for this.]

[Siffrin takes a moment to spark their fur up with electricity, to light the way in the caves. But also totally to stall for time while they think.]

...we're both lucky that the loops didn't end the way we left them. [Or the way Siffrin remembers leaving theirs, they guess? Still not thinking any further on that yet.]

It wasn't the same, but we both hated it, and now we're here and not looping. I don't want to - to keep fighting [fighting? judging each other?] over who was better. It's not... like that.

[To be entirely honest, they definitely wouldn't be saying this if Flowey were an adult. What Flowey did still freaks them out. But (if it were Bonnie, they) - but a child should never have been stuck in a time loop, it's not fair, so it's... people can Change, right? That's what everyone in Vaugarde says all the time. And Flowey seems to be trying.]

[Is this... an olive branch? A chance to start over? After all the horrible things he said and did- not even in the resets, but to them- they'd still be willing to forgive him?

... in the past, he would've refused, just because he knew he would've messed it up. But after all that he's been through, he wants to try.

It feels humiliating, and makes him feel small, and he knows they're seeing him as a child right now. But...

... well, he is. He'll admit it. He's a child who thought he would never grow up. Because he died. Because he was stuck in the same week for years. But he just had a birthday, and nobody seems to be about to kill him. So now he has to figure out a 'future'.

...]

Yeah. It was stupid to fight over, anyway. It was different. But it's over now, for both of us.

So... Thanks. I guess. [He mumbles, clearly embarrassed.]

But none of those STUPID puns. Otherwise the deal's off, buddy. [He seems to have perked back up, and says this in a typical abrasive- but clearly joking- tone. Back to normal...?]

[Back to normal (minus the outright antagonism) Siffrin can do! It's a lot easier than talking about feelings honestly!! In honor of their new truce(?) they won't even comment on the embarrassment, the same way they'd prefer people ignore it if Siffrin were the one embarrassed.]

No puns? [They are immediately so tempted to make a pun. Siffrin no. Siffrin, resist the urge! At least for a few minutes!] You drive a hard bargain... I hope you know how big of a sacrifice you're asking me to make...

[They shake their fur out, shedding some excess sparks, then fetch some paper and a charcoal stick out of the satchel sling over their back. They're supposed to be charting these cave tunnels, right...]

So... how are you at drawing with your vines? [Because they could try to draw with the stick in their mouth but nobody wants to deal with the resulting map.]

[(Their front paws work if they pin the stick between them, but no matter how often they practice they seem to have very little stamina with that configuration... and it's very slow, even if it's more accurate.)]

Yeah, you might actually have to develop a real sense of humor. [Having a truce doesn't exclude some ribbing, right? Right?

Regardless, he takes the charcoal stick with a little vine.] This was my main method of writing before I ever came here, so I'm used to it! You're probably having a harder time with the 'no opposable thumbs' thing than I am.

[(He really hopes his evolution gets limbs, though.)]

[All is well and good for a while...

... until a strange noise rings out from the dark. Flowey nearly drops the charcoal in surprise.]

What was that?! Shine some light over there!

[Ribbing is totally fair game. Siffrin sticks their tongue out at Flowey. But they relinquish the charcoal with no complaint, don't even get them started on no opposable thumbs...]

[When the sound rings out, Siffrin jumps, twisting around to look. On Flowey's cue, they spark up, using Charge - they can't actually make a directional light, but their glow intensifies dramatically, throwing the edges of the chamber they're in into sharper relief.]

[What's out there??]

[Nothing. If anything was there, it's gone. Flowey looks around, paranoid. Glowing crystals dot the ceiling, reminding him of the faux-stars they had in the Underground.]

Something's messing with us. Stay on your guard.

[This sucks. He used to be the scary thing stalking people.

It could've just been a noise... but it's never 'just' a noise in games. Flowey hops ahead, determined to not be made into a fool...]

[... and nearly attacks at the first sign of fur and fangs. But it's not an enemy. It's worse. It's him.

Or it was him. The crystal, for one reason or another, shows 'Asriel' like a twisted mirror. Parts are too dark or dirty to make out clearly, and the strange angles distort his features. But he's making the same expression. It's definitely the same figure Siffrin saw in Flowey's memory, all that time ago.]

This is... this is SICK. What's going on?! Is this someone's idea of a joke?!

[He turns away, but he swears that he sees a smile in another crystal. In another, dust. Flowey's trembling (from anger, he tells himself, he's NOT scared) and it's debatable if he's even breathing.]

This is STUPID. He's GONE. I'm all that's left! I can't go back!

[Siffrin trots after Flowey at a decent pace, their head and ear swiveling at any additional noises. They're thinking about how weird it is not to be the one leading the way, and honestly they might have tried to insist on it if they hadn't already been here once. There weren't any traps in these caves the first time around, it's fine -]

[Except as it turns out, maybe they should've been leading the way anyway.]

[They bristle at the weird reflection, also nearly jumping at it. It takes them a couple moments to parse what they're actually seeing and recognize it. Another one to think, wait, wasn't this only happening in that one room before, it's spreading???]

[No, hang on, that's not important right now. Siffrin drops to the ground in front of Flowey, blocking his line of sight to some crystals and trying to not show too much in their expression. They don't think Flowey will take open concern well - at least not from them. What do they say that he'll -]

Hey. Hey! It's trying to mess with you. [Implied tone: Flowey wants to spite it, right? He's not letting any cave crystals have the satisfaction, right?]

Take a deep breath in...

[They demonstrate after they say it, and then the slow breath out.]

[Siffrin's sudden appearance is the only thing that stops Flowey from unleashing a maelstrom of Bullet Seeds on the crystal and probably leading to disaster. They're right-- it is trying to mess with him!

What's this 'take a deep breath' crap? Do they think he's stupid? (Well, yes, but. More than usual???)

... Oh, he hasn't been breathing. Usually, his stem handles the work, but in places without fresh air or when he's shouting in a panic, he needs a little extra effort. This is one of those times.

Flowey takes a deep breath in... and out.

He's okay. It's fine.]

... Let's get out of this stupid room.

[Meanwhile, if Siffrin happens to look at the crystal themselves, they won't see Asriel but instead... themselves, but wrong. It's like their head was replaced by a star.]

[Siffrin nods and shoves themself back to their feet. They consider whether to check in on Flowey any further, but... that would be pushing it.]

[Out of the room they go, trailing directly behind Flowey again. They're still sparked up bright, so when they catch another reflection out of the corner of their eye, for a moment they think that's all it is. But then they double-take and glance back at it, and -]

[...]

[They think about eating a star.]

[. . .]

[They don't think about it. Things turned out fine, apparently!! It's fine!! They are here in these creepy tunnels and not in Vaugarde and they are not thinking about it and they're focusing on mapping!]

[But... they should probably warn Flowey.] When I was here with Stardust, there was just one room that was... weird.

[You know. Weird. Like that.]

But it was a lot deeper in. So... so it must be spreading.

[... That's not good. Flowey nods and eagerly moves on.

(Who the hell is 'Stardust'?)

Flowey busies himself by continuing to draw his map, taking notes as they go along.

They hit several dead ends along their journey. Other crystals that are harder to avoid show glimpses of other horrors- them injured, dead, and the like- but Flowey's much more used to seeing things like that.

After a while, Flowey speaks again.]

... That was how I looked before I was a flower. That first crystal, I mean, not ones that showed us dead.

[Now that he thinks about it... he isn't sure if he's mad or not that he got turned into a Sunkern rather than some kind of goat-like Pokemon. The hell you know, or something.]

He-- I mean, I-- also really liked the stars and stuff. Always wanted to see 'em for real. [Since they were locked Underground.]

It's weird. I swear that they move around when you're not looking. Do they always do that?

[Siffrin almost says something about remembering, but they reconsider a moment later and nod instead. They guess they don't really remember. If they hadn't just now seen the Asriel reflection themself, they wouldn't have, and even then it's very fuzzy.]

[They feel an odd pang when Flowey stumbles over what pronoun to use for himself(?), but they don't comment on that either. Instead the first thing they respond to is the part about stars - it's hard to imagine never having seen them, even with the faint lingering knowledge that Flowey grew up entirely underground, but...] It's been nice to be in a place where people pay attention to them.

[Care about them. Not exactly in the same way Siffrin does, but! They look at them! Think about them!]

[And speaking of paying attention to the stars, and their movement - they answer automatically, without thinking too hard about it.] They move with the hours, since we're on a spinning planet. And even more with the seasons, while we're orbiting the sun. The night side of the planet faces different parts of the sky. [Though with the seasonal changes, that's so gradual that Siffrin wouldn't describe it as moving around when you're not looking...]

But... you mean like in the forest, sometimes?

[They shake their head. That's definitely not normal. They're not a fan.] I think... that's the same as how marks you leave behind move around...?

[The other reflections the two of them are seeing aren't nice, but it's not like Siffrin hasn't seen plenty of (the same) people dead (over and over and over), or hasn't died themself. Seeing the latter from the outside is a little unsettling, but of course it would be; normally you don't get to! (Right? ...right? What's with this strange feeling...)]

[They can handle it. At least it's not like they were with Stardust, where every time they saw their own dead reflection, the perverse thought of "wish that were me" piped up from a corner of their mind. They're... doing better now!]

... Huh. You sure know a lot about this, huh? [He didn't even know several of these points! (Granted, he died partway into his education and even that was mostly secondhand textbooks that humans threw away...) Still, very interesting.]

The stars are far away, right? So that means either they're changing, which means this entire universe is fluctuating instead of just Bottlecap Bay... or it's just our perception of them. Maybe nothing's actually changing, but we're made to think things are.

[He thinks on this for a moment. It could be the case, or it could not be. There's no way to really prove it right now.]

... say, were you not in a place where people paid attention to stars before? The fact that you noticed that might mean something like... the place you came from originally paid lots of attention to stars.

[Do they? They don't feel like they do, at least in... comparison...?]

[Don't bother trying to remember. It's all gone.]

...it feels like a Ghost thing to do? [Siffrin suggests, tentatively. The messing with perceptions, they mean. They can't imagine something being able to affect the whole Universe like that. Not without it wanting that, at least. And the forest is undeniably spooky, but they don't think it's that important...?]

[...]

People in Vaugarde didn't care about them. I don't know how... [...you could just not care about stars? But. Even their friends, when they tried to talk about stars once, before the loops...]

[That's not very fair to Vaugarde; it's not like it was only the people there, it's just the most recent place they've been. But they don't like thinking further about this - it always made them feel even more far away from everyone they crossed paths with. Like one of their nightmares: drifting in a boat at night, seeing land and lights on all sides, but the more they paddled, the more the coast they aimed for would just recede into the horizon...]

[They have much worse nightmares now, but that one never completely stopped circling back around.]

[They don't respond to Flowey's last comment.]

...

[... that lack of answer says a lot. Hmm.

Flowey doesn't know what to say.]

... what a bunch of weirdos. Stars are cool! Monsters used to make wishes on the fake 'stars' we had on the cavern ceiling.

[Siffrin would've liked it there, maybe. They would've had fun teaching echo flowers stupid puns. (Ugh, they would've gotten along with Sans.)

... He wonders what Siffrin's soul would have looked like, had they existed in his world. Maybe a shining red, too.]

Let's turn back. I'm running out of space on the paper.

[A shudder runs down Siffrin's spine at the word 'wishes,' and for a moment, they're thinking -]

[...no, it's fine.]

[But... fake stars(?) must not be the right way to wish. If Flowey's monsters had been able to get any granted, he wouldn't be using it as a nice example, and he does seem to be trying to be nice. Right now, Siffrin thinks they might understand a little more what Emporio, and Shoka, and others, see in him...]

[...]

Everyone should get to see real stars. [Is that a roundabout way of saying they're glad Flowey got to...?] They are cool.

[There's a very clear moment where Siffrin swallows another pun. They are trying so hard. It's reflex!! But when they've had the second or two to rein it in, they nod - sounds fine! It looks like Flowey's got a good amount sketched down.]

[After another moment, they crouch down slightly. They hesitate, then offer:] Um. If you want a ride out...?

[They're a little bit tense about it, but they do mean it. Flowey seemed to like doing stuff like riding in the cart and directing people - Siffrin's pretty sure they remember seeing him ride on someone else's back before, too. And hopping along like that must be tiring. So... so as long as they're getting along... physical contact is still touchy (heh) for Siffrin, but they don't mind being told where to go!]

Aww, you do care!

[He cannot accept sincere kindness without being a little bit of a dick about it. After all, being pitied for having to hop around is kind of humiliating.

He almost refuses out of principle, but he is pretty tired... and he does like riding on people's backs. After a moment of deliberation, he hops on Siffrin's back. There's a very weird moment where they feel his roots and vines creeping across them to secure him on.]

Onward, my loyal steed! [He remembers the way out, so he'll guide them. He's assuming they forgot.]

October Catch-All

full undertale spoilers

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imagining siffrinx using "aww you do care" to mock flowey later