Noelle's December Catch-All

[holidaygirl1225]

WHO: Noelle & Mayaka, Bigby, Kris, Agnes
WHAT: Questing, decorating for the holidays
WHEN: Throughout December
WHERE: Bottlecap Bay, the Spire
WARNINGS: Any Deltarune spoilers will be marked by thread.

Comments

[holidaygirl1225]

[It's probably meant to be a rhetorical question, and yet, the lack of an answer hangs copiously in the air.

"It's not like she meant to hurt her." Noelle hadn't meant to hurt anyone, had she? And yet, she had. And a part of her had enjoyed that power. They both knew it well, monster to monster.

Robotically, she stamps a heart shaped cookie cutter into the dough.]

... Have you ever loved someone?

[wolfcut]

That's— [ He looks down at the dough then back at Noelle. As much as he shouldn't, something does tug at him to keep going. Maybe it's the lack of walls around her. Maybe it's the need to connect. ] ... Yeah.

[ It's obvious by the way he tenses that this isn't something he's openly admitted to much, if at all. He's always found a way to talk around it — allude to it, if he was so bold — but saying it out loud feels like a dangerous breach of an unspoken contract. ]

Uh. Still do, I guess.

[holidaygirl1225]

Then how do you... [How can she...] ... reconcile that? With, you know. [Everything she's done?]

[wolfcut]

There's nothing to reconcile. I know what I am, and I know how I feel. One doesn't make the other any less real.

[ Maybe that's an unfair response. He's had nothing but time to mull that one over, while Noelle is still trying to figure it out. It's not like he hasn't had doubts about who exactly he is, when everyone back home has been more than vocal with their opinions about him. ]

[holidaygirl1225]

[She opens her mouth as if she's going to reply, but then doesn't. Shoka did say she's also done bad stuff. And Noelle...

... she hasn't really had time to process that. Shouldn't she be scared? Or should she feel understood, the way she did when talking to Bigby?]

... I think we can put those in the oven now.

[wolfcut]

[ Like a punch to the gut. He tries to hide a wince. ] Okay. [ In the oven the cookies go, and now they wait. ]

Did I, uh. [ He feels like an idiot for even needing to ask. Of course he said that all wrong. ] Sorry.

[holidaygirl1225]

N-no, you're fine! I mean, thank you for the advice! For, um, my friend. [Anxiously, she begins cleaning up. She speaks without looking at him.] It's just... such a crazy situation, you know? I wish I-- she knew how to accept stuff like that.

Like, I know that you and also the crush have done bad stuff, and in fact a lot of people here have, and I have to keep going and everything, and... and just because I'm a monster, like the real type of monster that kills people and people tell scary stories about, haha, that doesn't mean I can't just... bake cookies like everything is normal! And-- we're really never going home again, huh? All my friends and family, wow, all that time in school, none of it mattered! None of this matters! [Manic, clipped laughter.]

[wolfcut]

[ This is suddenly a lot more than he knows what do with. Out of habit, he wants to mess with ears, brush back his fur, anything to keep himself distracted, but his paws are dirty, and Noelle's getting more frantic the more she goes on.

Monsters and scary stories, she says. Bigby could speak more to that, but it's what comes after that really pulls at him. ]

It... it matters, Noelle. All of it does. Even if we can't find a way back home right now.

[ For better or worse, it's something he knows too well to be true. ]

And... this isn't the first time I've had to start over, you know. Where I'm from — where I'm really from — for all the bad there was, I still miss it. I might not be able to go back, but it's a part of me. All the things I did. All the people I knew. I... I wouldn't be the same without it.

[holidaygirl1225]

[Deep breath. Bigby's voice is soothing to her. It reminds her of how she'd go to her dad for advice, back before he was in the hospital and the doctors didn't want her to stress him out.

Another person she might never see again.]

... it's still part of you. [She'll never be able to let go of it, for better and for worse.]

... do you think I should tell her? She should hate me. [She's too tired to keep up the obvious lie.]

[wolfcut]

You should tell her. [ Without hesitation. ] Take it from someone who never did.

[ Never mind that his situation is complicated by centuries and professional responsibilities. But stuck worlds a part now, wondering if he'll ever get the chance to see her again, he can't help but doubt if that was worth the heartache. Even if it wasn't meant to be, it would've been better than leaving another book without an ending.

He promised Snow he'd never leave her without ever telling her why. Now he's gone, and she'll never know. Quietly, he takes a towel to finally clean himself up. ]

Even if she should, that doesn't mean she will. Give her the chance she gave you.

[holidaygirl1225]

... Thanks, Bigby. Really. Gosh, I can't get through one conversation without going all crazy, right? Haha. [And she really did just invite him here to bake!]

[wolfcut]

Just a lot on your mind. It happens.

[ A lot on his mind now too, but it is what it is. ]

So. [ He smiles at her. Tries to, anyway, even if he does look more tired than when they first started. ] You’ll tell me how it goes, right?

[holidaygirl1225]

[... it starts to catch up with her.]

W-wait, did I say-- I didn't promise anything, right? It can wait a little, can't it? It's such a weird time, and I don't even know how I'd start that conversation, I've never dated anyone before--

[wolfcut]

Do you want to wait?

[ Excuses notwithstanding, she was the one who brought it up. It must be on her mind enough to at least consider. ]

... I thought the holidays were a good time for this. Spreading cheer and all that. [ A beat. He's trying his best here, especially after earlier, even if he doesn't realize how embarrassing this might be for her now. ] I guess Valentine's is around the corner. You have that where you're from?