July Catch-All

[friendlyflower]

Who: Flowey & Firepaw, Emporio, Lusamine, and others?
What: Quests (Learning Aides, Growing Harvest), maybe some meetings/interactions
Where: Southern forest, the city gardens, around the city
When: Throughout July
Warnings: Pokemon battling (violence/injury), Flowey's trauma (mentions of/themes of depression, depersonalization, guilt, child death, murder)

Comments

[ibalsamina]

[Lusamine still remembers it distantly, like a bad dream: soullessness, that feeling of unfeeling that crept through the tunnels where they met. Though she knows what he's referring to, at least in some way, she is quick to argue:]

I believe that all Pokémon possess a soul. That includes you.

[In any case, he has something he wants to tell her now. Putting her own work on pause as well, she eyes him expectantly.]

I do.

[friendlyflower]

[He doesn't reply to her comment. Maybe things work differently in this world, but he can't imagine having a soul again. He can still feel the hollowness, same as it's always been.]

I don't have a soul.

[He pauses, letting that sink in.]

Haha... it's a long story. But... My best friend and I had... a plan. We were going to free all the monsters trapped underground.

It didn't work.

After I died, the next thing I knew was waking up as a flower. I couldn't feel my arms or legs... I couldn't feel anything. I called out for help.

But...

[Nobody came.]

Anyway, eventually... Asgore... my father, I mean. He hugged me and told me he'd never let anything bad happen to me again. But I still didn't feel anything. Sadness... joy... it all felt like it was happening to someone else. Like there was a layer of glass, or a screen, between me and it. But most of all, I couldn't feel love. Not for my dad. Not for my mom. Not for anyone.

It turned out that I was nothing but pure 'determination'- will to live- injected into a flower that had my dust on it. There's some last echo of my soul that makes me 'me'. But that stupid kid I was is gone.

[He sighs.]

... When you were being all nice to me, I still couldn't feel anything. I can never care about you back. So... that's it. You can go find a new kid, now.

[ibalsamina]

[Lusamine listens in silence, her expression unreadable. The quiet stretches on even after Flowey's finished speaking, almost long enough that it seems she might really be considering finding a new kid—until she finally responds.]

... I have something that I must admit to you as well, Flowey.

[She sits with her tail coiled around her feet, as if to demonstrate that she doesn't plan on leaving, and draws a paw to her chest, over her heart.]

When you and I first met, in those horrid tunnels... I was shown what I believe to be your memories. I felt it myself, as if it was my own memory... What it was like to be without a soul. It was... [Beyond description, truly, when there was no true emotion to be experienced. Pure emptiness, like that she felt before Nihilego joined with her. Only after it was done could she conclude with certainty that it was...] Unspeakably horrible. Unbearable.

[She knew already, she means to tell him. Some of these details are new to her, but his main point was already known to her when she decided to stay with him.]

That being said... I know for a fact that you have a soul now. If you truly felt nothing, how could you weep as you did, when you thought Mx. Siffrin would be lost to the sea?

[friendlyflower]

[Her silence is unbearable. He's almost considering running away when she finally replies.

It's ... strange, imagining now that someone else has experienced what he has, even for a moment. It's a form of validation almost bordering on comfort. It also makes him feel ten times worse. It's as if she took a weight he's been shouldering for years, told him it's unbearably heavy, and then put it back on him.

It's not her fault, of course. It's always been his own.]

I did not weep. I couldn't care less what happens to that idiot.

... it's more like... they would've died saving a thing like me. And the last thing I would've said to them would've been something cruel. [... And yet, he still acts like this. The first thing he did upon confirming their safety, after the battle ended, was make fun of them.

Flowey doesn't know how to reply to her comment about him having a soul. In his old world, he didn't-- he knew that as well as he knew that he was a flower. Here, even basic metaphysics are different. He still doesn't feel things like he used to... and love is still absent.

But even if he can display basic remorse, simple feelings does not a person make.]

[ibalsamina]

All the same, the tears you shed were real. You did weep and you did care, in some way.

[This much was perfectly obvious to her, but she supposes she can't blame him for not seeing it himself. The poor thing has been so damaged—hollowed out for so long—that he can't even recognize his own feelings. Fortunately, he has her now to remind him.]

Sweet Flowey... What did you hope to gain by telling me this?

[friendlyflower]

[She doesn't get it.

... Of course she doesn't. Experiencing what he did for a few moments is nothing. What a pair of idiots they both are-- at least they have that in common.]

Hope? I didn't 'hope' for anything. Just thought I'd try to get you to understand. There's no point in loving me. I'll never love you back. [More accurately, he'll never be able to. But, he needs to make it as clear to her as possible.]

... Do you get it yet? It doesn't matter what you 'think' or 'know'. I'm the one who lives like this every stupid day. So what if I let out some crocodile tears once? Maybe I 'feel' things sometimes, but not what really matters.

[He huffs. Just say it, Flowey, he thinks. Tell her that you hate her. Tell her the only reason you've entertained her is because she's a weird amnesiac with a violent streak, and it's funny to him.]

... Firepaw already realized I'm irredeemable. Firepaw! A trusting idiot like THAT! The more time you spend acting like I can be 'fixed', the more it'll hurt you once you realize I can't, also.

[ibalsamina]

[She doesn't believe for a second that those were nothing more than Krookodile tears. She doesn't believe him at all, really—but she'll entertain his logic for a moment.]

If you feel nothing that "really matters", then what point is there in telling me that I ought to treat you differently? It doesn't matter either way to you, does it?

[She gazes over the garden, the assortment of flowers they've been tending to together that are already starting to perk up again, lush and vibrant in the sun.]

Even if a garden may be incapable of loving me in return in the same way a human or Pokémon can... It is enough, to see it thrive in my care.

[But it seems there's something else at the root of Flowey's foul mood. Lusamine turns her attention back to him.]

Irredeemable? [Her eyes narrow—displeased, maybe even vengeful—then soften with doubt.] Did he really say that?

[friendlyflower]

Nope! Let's see... Pretty sure his words were "eat crow food, asshole," but I did have it coming. I had the audacity to tell him to watch his back around someone called 'Dark Heart'. What a jerk I am! And when he threw a little temper tantrum, I told him the truth. He's an idiot to trust someone like that and he's an idiot to trust me, too!

[He doesn't mention the 'birthday' part. He's too old to care about birthdays.]