Siffrin...? (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
loopsiedaisy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bottlecaplogs2025-11-11 04:03 pm
loopsiedaisy) wrote in bottlecaplogs2025-11-11 04:03 pm
November+December Catch-All
Who: Siffrin (Shinx) + Shoka, Laios, Cedric, Chara, Anasui, Parvati
What: The fallout of the Network Incident, and also quests. Sometimes both at once!
Where: Spire, Canopy, wherever various search quests take them
When: One thread backdated to October, otherwise throughout November (including during the snowstorm) and December
Warnings: Potentially Siffrin's warnings (definitely spoilers & alluded-to suicidal ideation in Shoka's thread), the usual quest peril
What: The fallout of the Network Incident, and also quests. Sometimes both at once!
Where: Spire, Canopy, wherever various search quests take them
When: One thread backdated to October, otherwise throughout November (including during the snowstorm) and December
Warnings: Potentially Siffrin's warnings (definitely spoilers & alluded-to suicidal ideation in Shoka's thread), the usual quest peril
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[All alone out there.]
—Just stuck there...
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Haha! Yeah, it does sound that way, doesn't it?
[(But they can only follow!!!)]
[Oh. They're digging their claws into the floor, and the only reason they've noticed is because what's underfoot is rock instead of dirt. They retract them, and make themself take a breath.]
But that's stardust! He's Siffrin - the one who actually broke out of the time loops, properly.
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Cold realization settles over her; she feels a phantom sob lodged in the back of her throat. Under her disguise rag, her claws unsheathe themselves, too, scraping uselessly over rock.]
... You keep saying that. That he's Siffrin. [It's kind of pissing her off.] So what does that make you?
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[That is the question, isn't it? They're not sure they get to be Siffrin anymore, they opted out twice - once with their wish, then again when they gave up on replacing stardust. But it's all muddied now, with them having been Siffrin here for months, technically "afterward," and with stardust and Odile trying to let them share the name.]
...I don't know. Siffrin, The Prologue? Loop? A - [No, Loop, let's not say "A corpse?"]
[They turn it into a forced laugh instead.] That really was a stupid name. I should probably stick to nicknames!
[They wonder if someone else came up with Siffrin. It's definitely not... the first name they ever had, because they wouldn't be able to think it at all if it were, but they don't remember getting it either.]
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But that's their memory, not hers, and it's their decision to make—their own issue to unravel. She's still not sure she has a right to even offer to help them with that now, even if they chose to tell her all of this. The anger drains out of her slowly; she sags in place as exhaustion returns to her, now accompanied by a slight dizziness.
Instead, she observes,] ... You never gave me a nickname, before.
[It's a neutral statement. She doesn't dislike being called Kittycat, really, even if it's a change (even if it's a reminder that things are different now). Beat used to always call her something similar. Truthfully, she never disliked Loop either.]
Are we— [—Still friends? That questions is definitely too pathetic, so she settles for,] Can I still call you Frinrin, or should I—...?
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[They don't elaborate. They can't put into words why, exactly, when they gave out nicknames to their party as Siffrin. Isa's nickname was thanks to him nicknaming them first, of course, but then - Shoka did the same...]
[Something like... if they killed their friends, then should they really...]
[It doesn't matter anymore. Now they know they didn't, they suppose. And now they're "Loop," and Loop makes cutesy nicknames for people!]
[But speaking of which - their ear twitches again, and for a moment they meet Shoka's gaze. Their expression is slightly startled, a little bit unsure.] As... as long as you still want to...?
[Then it's right back to sparkling.] But if you don't, I'm making you promise not to call stardust that either! I'm not sharing!
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[She's only really talked to Stardust once, and yet she knows so much more about him than she should. Still, he isn't her friend. The strangeness of it all almost makes her laugh before she remembers everything else. The humor in her voice is weak and fleeting.]
I guess—I might not know that much about you either now... That's... a lot you remembered. [And it's a lot they came to catch her up on, true to their word.] But... yeah. I want to. [She wants to still call them by the dumb name she gave them, and she wants to know them.] As long as you want to. Obviously.
[She studies their face. She shrugged it off earlier, but now more of the truth comes tumbling out.]
You... really freaked me out. Disappearing on me like that. I get it, but... [But she missed them.] Ugh...
a crumb of character development... real...
[But if they actually make themself stop and try to think about it, they... guess they know what she means. Even if they think they'll be less like the Siffrin she knew, now, than stardust will - stardust wasn't the Siffrin that did spend the last six months here with Shoka. Those experiences aren't shared.]
[But they also can't reassure her about knowing them, if there's a Siffrin and they have to be someone else, can they...?]
[...]
...yeah. I'm sorry. [They've already said it, but.] I wasn't... thinking about anything else, and after...
[. . .]
I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me. If I wasn't the same. [And, you know, the whole tossing into a bush thing! (Aaaaand they were still trying to figure out who they're supposed to be now... but that hasn't really changed.)]
...but I still should have talked to you.
(CHEERING) 1/2
[The words slip out before she can think them over. How can they think she didn't want to see them? She tried to chase them down, didn't she, even after they literally tossed her aside? She told them she wanted to talk, told them she had their back...
But she knows exactly how they could think that. They don't even confidently call themself Siffrin anymore, and it would be a lie to say that she wasn't alarmed and upset by the sudden changes in them. She also knows exactly how big of a deal it is for them to tell her so much and to say that they should have talked to her. She understands because the same is true of her.
The expression in her eyes shifts from what looks like anger (but is closer to hurt) to surprise, then to regret.]
Maybe... that's my fault. I thought you were done with me...
[And as a result, she'd been standoffish when she saw them again, reverting back to the guarded, prickly creature she was in front of all strangers. When they arrived to help search for Noelle, she'd barely even looked at them, and now she can't even stomach the malasadas they went through the trouble of bringing her. None of that could have helped.]
I'm—sorry, too. [For...?] For that, and for—being a jerk in general. I mean, even more so than usual. Everything's... really sucked lately.
[But she shouldn't have made that their problem when they were going through enough as it was. Even so—they asked her once to tell them whenever she had a bad week. Despite herself, she's been wanting desperately to do just that. Noelle is back at the clinic after telling her she wished they never met, she misses Siffrin, she can't stand the thought of eating, her head is killing her, she's been thinking of disappearing again, of water and dust and no expectations for her, and she can't even make one stupid art project about it—]
This sucks, too. Not—this, or you, just... Everything that happened to you. Is happening to you. Wh-whatever... I should've...
[Should've... what? Been there for them? Not been so weird about it all? Would that have even been possible? Pathetically, her breath (the breath she doesn't even need) hitches.]
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A tremor passes through her as she tries to steel herself and channel the emotion welling up in her into saying something. If Siffrin (Loop, Siffrin the Prologue, Frinrin) didn't know if she wanted to see them, then she needs to tell them—]
Ugh! You're important to me, okay, dummy? All that's changed is you got some memories back! And if you're really that different 'cause of that, then... Then I wanna know who you are now. Or—get to know you, if you're still figuring it out! All of you...
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[Before they can help it their gaze drops, and then they're pulling together their Loop persona again, a process that paradoxically involves their shoulders relaxing rather than tensing. But they slow down as she continues, tip of their tail twitching nervously. So their voice is somwhere halfway between soft and sharply cheerful when they respond.] I was trying hard to make people want to be a jerk!
[It's a bit more complicated than that, but it's not exactly not true... and anyway. Things have really sucked for Shoka lately.]
[A bit more hesitantly - very reminiscent of many months ago in the rain, actually - they shift closer, enough so that their fur is just brushing against her side. So she can lean on them, if she wants. They're stiff and awkward all over again, like they were back then, all their progress reset. But also like back then... they're trying.]
[...]
[Haltingly and even more softly (in the quiet sense too, this time):] ...you're important to me too, kittycat. I'd... I'd like to still be friends.
[Hmmghrghgh and this is even harder to admit to, but:] ...I'm still figuring it out.
[That's also complicated. They don't get into it. In their gut, they know talking about actors and roles would weird anyone out, even or maybe especially if they say they were doing it as Siffrin too, because they don't have the history to be a who otherwise.]
[Instead, sparkling again:] So if you've ever wanted to shape someone's split-life crisis, now's the time!
[Stars. It feels so so so weird to joke about it like this, actually. They're not completely sure if they'd be able to make the same joke to stardust, even, when almost anything else is fair game. But... it's not terrible.
Also there is some weird parallel here about how they once made a budding fashion designer laugh with a pun and then decided to make that their entire personality, and now here they are again, friends with a budding fashion designer-]And in the meantime, [their mouth almost shapes 'How can I help you on this wonderful new loop?' out of habit, and they swallow it down and don't think about it,] sounds like we need to find someone to beat up for making everything suck at the same time! Only some things are allowed to suck!
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Once they've moved closer, she doesn't hesitate; a few tendrils of shadow unfurl from under her disguise rag, creeping along the cavern floor toward Siffrin's paws by way of a warning before she leans all her weight (which isn't much, when she only weighs as much as the fabric of her disguise does) against them, turning to hide her face in their fur. Very much like that day they were caught in the rain together.
There, she shudders and sniffs, saying nothing until they make that joke about a split-life crisis. It earns a sharp exhale—almost a laugh, almost a sound of anguish.]
Shut up...
[Her muffled voice wavers, utterly devoid of any bite.]
It's never too late. [There's a pause before she manages to clarify,] To figure it out, I mean... Or to shut up, I guess.
[She won't (seriously) ask them to do either right now. Their last suggestion makes her laugh in earnest this time—a soft, clipped titter.]
At least one thing sucks a little less now... [Siffrin's talking to her again, saying they want to still be friends and letting her lean on them, even if it's obviously difficult for them. Speaking of which—reluctantly, she starts to draw away.] Got someone you wanna volunteer?
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[Maybe things really are going to be okay. One thing, at least!]
[When Shoka hides her face, their paws fidget, like they're trying to get themself to wrap one around her - after a moment they compromise by looping (heh heh) their tail around her instead.]
[Hmm... someone they want to volunteer...]
[They do still want to chew on stardust's ear a lot, and sometimes shake him by the scruff, but that's different! Not the same! Flowey? ...no, they don't actually want to beat him up, even if they have no clue if the tentative truce they were starting on will mean anything anymore. And besides, Shoka's friends with Flowey.]
[...nobody's really coming to mind. There's a lot of things they're angry with, but you can't exactly fight the Universe!]
If this were a story, we'd be going after one of those folktale Pokemon that Ingo and Emmet like talking about.
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[But she couldn't be too hard on those Pokémon, even if they did exist and she and Siffrin could track them down. If they really have the kind of power they're said to, then they could be the only reason she's still around at all.
A part of her wonders if that should give her more reason to tear them apart—but she tries not to dwell on that thought too much. After all, that would mean they were the only reason she met Siffrin, too. It was only a joke anyway.]
... Thanks. For catching me up and—trying to help before. With Noelle. [Her eyes, downcast, land on the still untouched bag that Siffrin brought with them.] And for the food...