bottlecaplogs | Noelle's December Catch-All

[It makes her relieved to see Bigby happy, too.] We could always post a quest to clean up if we do...! Fahahaha! [Would that work? She feels guilty even posting what she thinks is an important quest... and yet, she's in such a good mood, the thought only makes her smile waver for a moment.]

I've got all the ingredients already! How about we start with mixing the butter and brown sugar?

Well, now we've got to destroy this place. Make that quest worth their while.

[ Definitely more his style, even if much of his time lately has been spent doing exactly not that. Turns out making and finding gifts requires some careful handling. He nods at her instruction, looking over the ingredients all laid out. Certainly easier than scrambling around for everything like he did the last time he was here. ]

Watch my technique, alright? I can handle some feedback.

[ Butter and sugar in the bowl, he goes for one of the wooden spatula looking instruments to start mashing it all together. ]

... It's tough when you're like this, right? [At least he has hands of a sort, but they're small.] Um, maybe try a little more gently. And try to get those lumps on the bottom.

[While he's mixing more ingredients together, she brings out the cookie cutters he so nicely- albeit sacrilegiously- gave to her early. She smiles at all of them, but the Pikachu one especially.]

Thank you for these! Gosh, I'm really happy to have fun shapes. You remembered the werewolf thing, too...

[ Gently, she says, which he translates as slower in his mind. Bigby adjusts with a careful nod. As hard as it is to deal with a new body, he can't say he hasn't been through this before.

Regardless, he's focused on doing this right, so much so he doesn't even notice her pull out the cookie cutters. ]

... Thought they'd be nice to have. Even if they're a little different from home. [ He sighs lightly to himself, relieved to hear the early gift wasn't a miss. ] And that one was the hardest to get. No one knew what the hell I was talking about, but I guess that Pokémon is the closest thing they got to a werewolf here.

[ He pauses from the mixing, giving her a little grin. ]

I think my favorite was the Voltorb though.

Pfft-- what a great shape for a cookie, fahaha! [As annoyed as she can be about the lack of hands and opposable thumbs, it could have been worse. (As guilty as she feels for thinking that.)]

Oh! There you go, you're getting the hang of it. It's kind of fun, right? A little bit of a workout. [Soon, she's instructing him on how to roll out the dough, which also takes quite a bit of effort. She does her best to help so it's not all on him, though.]

[For a second, it seems like she's going into segue into cookie cutter-related nostalgia... but then she looks at the Pikachu cookie cutter and smiles.]

... this one seems pretty popular, huh? Fahaha...

[ His grin gets a bit bigger at her laugh, but he catches himself before his fangs start to show. Just as well, because his expression slowly turns serious when it's time to handle the dough. With how small he is, there's only so much power for this in those arms of his. A small pout starts to appear, but as long as he tries, there's no need for him to get frustrated just yet. ]

Hm. Think so? [ He pauses what he's doing, glancing at her first before the cookie cutter in question. Words follow a thoughtful hum. ] Guess it is pretty cute.

[ Back to staring down at the dough, before oh-so casually adding: ] So that one's your favorite too then?

Um, y-you could say that? Maybe? Fahaha...? [She can't stop herself from getting embarrassed. Just thinking about how she's getting flustered makes her more flustered, and then she's definitely flushed.]

... h-how did you know?

I was kind of like a detective back home. You get used to reading people.

[ Noelle's reaction is admittedly pretty endearing enough to get a small chuckle, despite him trying to play it cool. ]

Also kinda hard to hide who you hang out with when we all live together.

... so. [This feels like a far cry from their conversation back in the clinic, all that time ago... but she's almost begun to feel normal again. Can monsters- monsters like them- be normal?

... Are they allowed to feel love?]

... unrelated. I have a friend. Who, um, kind of likes this girl who's in her... guild. But she's worried that she would be a bad match-up for her. After some... stuff... she's done.

[... there's nobody in any universe who would believe this lie.]

[ Honestly, it's been a relief to see them together around the Spire again. Despite still not knowing what had happened between them, a part of him had quietly hoped that they'd find their resolution together after these past few months, whatever that may be. ]

Not a crime to like... someone.

[ It takes another second to hit him, but he slowly stops what he's doing. Match-up, Noelle says. Oh. She's having this conversation. With him. ]

The stuff y— ... your friend did. Sometimes things get out of hand. More than we know how to handle. It's, uh. Not like she meant to hurt her, right?

[ He definitely sees right through her, but there's no fucking way he's not going to pretend and play along for now. ]

[It's probably meant to be a rhetorical question, and yet, the lack of an answer hangs copiously in the air.

"It's not like she meant to hurt her." Noelle hadn't meant to hurt anyone, had she? And yet, she had. And a part of her had enjoyed that power. They both knew it well, monster to monster.

Robotically, she stamps a heart shaped cookie cutter into the dough.]

... Have you ever loved someone?

That's— [ He looks down at the dough then back at Noelle. As much as he shouldn't, something does tug at him to keep going. Maybe it's the lack of walls around her. Maybe it's the need to connect. ] ... Yeah.

[ It's obvious by the way he tenses that this isn't something he's openly admitted to much, if at all. He's always found a way to talk around it — allude to it, if he was so bold — but saying it out loud feels like a dangerous breach of an unspoken contract. ]

Uh. Still do, I guess.

Then how do you... [How can she...] ... reconcile that? With, you know. [Everything she's done?]

There's nothing to reconcile. I know what I am, and I know how I feel. One doesn't make the other any less real.

[ Maybe that's an unfair response. He's had nothing but time to mull that one over, while Noelle is still trying to figure it out. It's not like he hasn't had doubts about who exactly he is, when everyone back home has been more than vocal with their opinions about him. ]

[She opens her mouth as if she's going to reply, but then doesn't. Shoka did say she's also done bad stuff. And Noelle...

... she hasn't really had time to process that. Shouldn't she be scared? Or should she feel understood, the way she did when talking to Bigby?]

... I think we can put those in the oven now.

[ Like a punch to the gut. He tries to hide a wince. ] Okay. [ In the oven the cookies go, and now they wait. ]

Did I, uh. [ He feels like an idiot for even needing to ask. Of course he said that all wrong. ] Sorry.

N-no, you're fine! I mean, thank you for the advice! For, um, my friend. [Anxiously, she begins cleaning up. She speaks without looking at him.] It's just... such a crazy situation, you know? I wish I-- she knew how to accept stuff like that.

Like, I know that you and also the crush have done bad stuff, and in fact a lot of people here have, and I have to keep going and everything, and... and just because I'm a monster, like the real type of monster that kills people and people tell scary stories about, haha, that doesn't mean I can't just... bake cookies like everything is normal! And-- we're really never going home again, huh? All my friends and family, wow, all that time in school, none of it mattered! None of this matters! [Manic, clipped laughter.]

[ This is suddenly a lot more than he knows what do with. Out of habit, he wants to mess with ears, brush back his fur, anything to keep himself distracted, but his paws are dirty, and Noelle's getting more frantic the more she goes on.

Monsters and scary stories, she says. Bigby could speak more to that, but it's what comes after that really pulls at him. ]

It... it matters, Noelle. All of it does. Even if we can't find a way back home right now.

[ For better or worse, it's something he knows too well to be true. ]

And... this isn't the first time I've had to start over, you know. Where I'm from — where I'm really from — for all the bad there was, I still miss it. I might not be able to go back, but it's a part of me. All the things I did. All the people I knew. I... I wouldn't be the same without it.

[Deep breath. Bigby's voice is soothing to her. It reminds her of how she'd go to her dad for advice, back before he was in the hospital and the doctors didn't want her to stress him out.

Another person she might never see again.]

... it's still part of you. [She'll never be able to let go of it, for better and for worse.]

... do you think I should tell her? She should hate me. [She's too tired to keep up the obvious lie.]

You should tell her. [ Without hesitation. ] Take it from someone who never did.

[ Never mind that his situation is complicated by centuries and professional responsibilities. But stuck worlds a part now, wondering if he'll ever get the chance to see her again, he can't help but doubt if that was worth the heartache. Even if it wasn't meant to be, it would've been better than leaving another book without an ending.

He promised Snow he'd never leave her without ever telling her why. Now he's gone, and she'll never know. Quietly, he takes a towel to finally clean himself up. ]

Even if she should, that doesn't mean she will. Give her the chance she gave you.

... Thanks, Bigby. Really. Gosh, I can't get through one conversation without going all crazy, right? Haha. [And she really did just invite him here to bake!]

Just a lot on your mind. It happens.

[ A lot on his mind now too, but it is what it is. ]

So. [ He smiles at her. Tries to, anyway, even if he does look more tired than when they first started. ] You’ll tell me how it goes, right?

[... it starts to catch up with her.]

W-wait, did I say-- I didn't promise anything, right? It can wait a little, can't it? It's such a weird time, and I don't even know how I'd start that conversation, I've never dated anyone before--

Do you want to wait?

[ Excuses notwithstanding, she was the one who brought it up. It must be on her mind enough to at least consider. ]

... I thought the holidays were a good time for this. Spreading cheer and all that. [ A beat. He's trying his best here, especially after earlier, even if he doesn't realize how embarrassing this might be for her now. ] I guess Valentine's is around the corner. You have that where you're from?

Noelle's December Catch-All

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