mist on the grass

[offtracks]

Who: Ingo and Emmet
What: Exploration of the Middle Forest
When: Late April
Where: Middle Forest
Warnings: Hallucinations, dissociation, minor injury

[The middle forest, much like the time they explored the northern end, is blanketed with fog almost as soon as they enter the shadows of the trees. Ingo ignites his flames, as usual, but it's little use. Purple light refracts off the thick mist, as well as the faint red glow of Emmet's eyes and markings.

It's a little spooky. Ingo tries to keep his eyes off them. Telling Emmet about his experiences with Zoroark was probably, overall, a good thing to do. He's not longer lying to him, even if only by omission. But it probably makes some of his less-than-kind responses a little more obvious...]

I am sure any marks we leave will simply change again, but we could make an attempt anyhow.

[Today's another scouting mission, more than anything. Ingo's more relaxed about that than about rescue missions, but their strange experience in the forest last time still has him keeping a sharp eye out, as well as he can.]

Comments

[offtracks]

...oh.

[Ingo hesitates, unsure at the admission. He hadn't thought Emmet would...respond for real.]

I'm - sorry.

[It's halting. He doesn't even mean to say it. He's really thinking: don't you have any friends? Was Ingo Emmet's only support? Surely not?]

[outbounds]

[ Of course he does. Of course Emmet had support. That's why he's as functional as he is. That's why he got tired of worrying them. That's why he got tired of the sympathies, the condolences, the treating him like he's something fragile, ready to break down or shatter if handled wrong. Maybe that's unfair to them, when they were only doing their bests. Is Emmet a bad person for only being able to handle so many platitudes and reminders before wanting something resembling normalcy? Never mind that things are anything but—

It's easy to escape into work. Routines and rhythms and schedules. The world didn't stop for Emmet, and why would it? It is so much bigger than him. So he moved forward along with it. Just not on, because that was giving up, and he likes winning more than anything else. He kept everything going, everything running, one way or another, pulled himself together enough to return to his regular duties and offer his regular staff, his challengers, friends and family a smile as the ever-constant Subway Boss Emmet. Same as ever. (What he does, what he says...) Isn't that enough?

(Does Emmet remember who Emmet is, beyond all the rituals and routines he's held himself to?) ]

What are you even apologizing for?

[offtracks]

Well - I suppose what happened is not my fault, but that does not mean that it was not still...because of me.

[Logically, he's well aware that there's nothing he could have done. He's sure he didn't choose to get flung several hundred years back in time or lose his memories. Once he was there, that was it. Even if he had regained his memories properly, Ingo cannot just simply travel back to the future. Nowadays he might be able to petition Dialga, but he's not sure that's the kind of favor the legendary Pokemon would be able or willing to grant.

Absolutely none of that stops him from feeling guilt.

Anticipating some kind of retort, he's quick to add:]

And anyhow, I am expressing sympathy!

[outbounds]

[ Ingo's expecting correctly, Emmet's mouth snapping shut for the second time in as many minutes as Ingo cuts off whatever it was Emmet was about to say. Instead his expression levels out a bit, corners of his mouth pulling flat as he cranes his head to glance over at Ingo instead of at the far wall.

Eventually, he lowers his head, shaking silently for the span of a few long moments. It takes a bit before the sound of his near-noiseless, huffed pants reveals itself to be quiet, wry laughter. Stupid, stubborn, determined to get his point across brother.

(See? The important things are the same.) ]

Okay. I guess I cannot stop you from doing that.

[offtracks]

Emmet...?

[Ingo's initially alarmed! He can't tell it's laughter at all! He lurches to his feet, only to awkwardly sit back down when the rise in volume makes things a little more clear.

Except. They still aren't that clear. What does any of that mean?]

Oh, ah. Okay.

[outbounds]

[ Just give him a moment to compose himself. Emmet does try to raise a paw to wave it offhandedly, maybe a not quite so universal 'don't worry about it,' quite literally waving it off. ]

It's ... it is fine. I am not just saying that.

[ There, he's good, he's fine, he can hold a conversation. Emmet lets the rest of that energy guide him into a brief shake of his head and upper body to release it. ]

Fine. It is because of you. It is nothing you can do anything about. These things can both be true. If you find a way to feel bad about yourself about this I will be verrrrry cross with you. See if I ever tell you anything again.

[ That's only a mock threat, really. Emmet realizes there's no point in closing the gates after the Zebstrika's already bolted. Purrloins out of bags and all that. They do need to talk about these things probably, even if it's conversations they might not like. ]

I was just thinking. [ It's such a small, stupid thing. An echo of pointless bickering over nothing. ] You remember more than you think. You know.

[offtracks]

...what makes you think that?

[Ingo can't see how that could be the case! He hasn't remembered anything since he arrived here, not even anything small! That said, he's still a little too wary to directly contradict it; he's not sure what that laughing fit was about, and he's not sure how one could possibly not feel bad about any of that.]

[outbounds]

The little things. Nothing big or obvious, maybe.

[ Emmet isn't eloquent enough for this. ]

But I think you are too polite to cut off a stranger like that. Especially before he's had a chance to say something.

[ Unless Ingo just really really didn't want Emmet to not get a word in edgewise there. Coincidental, then, that it lines up with old patterns. ]

[offtracks]

...oh. I do apologize!

[He did do that, didn't he? Ingo hadn't even noticed!]

[outbounds]

No, no. Don't apologize. Or, well. You can. But you don't have to.

Means you aren't. A stranger, I mean. You remember, even if you don't.

[offtracks]

Hm...

[Is that something he does? Let the courtesy lapse a little with people he's closer to? Ingo's not even entirely sure he's observed that in himself.]

...do you really think so? Is there...anything else like that?

[outbounds]

[ Well, usually no. Ingo being less than unfailingly polite and courteous— that isn't the case even with Emmet, generally. Not unless there's no stakes involved. Just pointless banter and badgering, bickering back and forth with no real animosity, because both of them are competitive and have a tendency to never want to back down. The kind of thing you can only really do because you know what to expect from the other person, can anticipate their responses, and it's all just play, in the end.

Ingo's polite! That is for sure! But there is a difference between civil servant and public figure Subway Boss Ingo polite and just ... Ingo polite, in a more relaxed setting? Among friends? (With Emmet?) Surely Warden Ingo has discovered the same difference? ... Surely?

("You were far from other people. Was it lonely?")

... For no particular reason, Emmet presses closer to Ingo. ]

I have been avoiding it. Actively comparing, looking for the similarities. That is not fair to you. I do not want you to have to try to be who you think I think you are. But since you are asking ...

[ He falls silent for a moment, thinking through the words he needs to try to slot together. ]

You're you. [ he ends up saying, simply. ] I am Emmet. I recognized you when we met. I just told myself it couldn't possibly be true. That I was just imagining it all, any familiarity I saw or felt, because I missed you. Until you said what you did at the start of that battle, and I couldn't explain that away as anything else.

[offtracks]

[Ingo lets Emmet press a little closer. After a moment's consideration - clearly, a deliberate action - he leans into the Zoroark a little as well.]

...that is something I have often wondered about. If I am the same person as before, or not. Everything felt so strange immediately upon my arrival, and for some time after. I could not say if my personality was something innate or not. It seemed as though it might easily go either way.

[Everyone was very kind to him, while he was still out of it. Maybe he just learned to be kind and try to look after others from them. Maybe it's only natural that he would become a Warden, when that sort of duty and care is what he had first been shown.]

I never imagined that it might happen like this. After the first few years, I knew that even if anyone was out there looking for me, they must not have known where I was. So I always thought - I would never meet someone from the past again, unless I had remembered enough on my own to find them myself. If I'd done that, there would not be any problems.

[Yes, yes, it isn't his fault and all that. Ingo is still frustrated with his own inability.]

[outbounds]

It is innate. You've said before. If you ever stopped being a Subway Boss, you would still want to do something to support and guide others. It is just how you are.

[ So it's not surprising to Emmet that Ingo picked up not one but two jobs that are more or less just that. Overachiever. Anyway. The memory thing. ]

... Mmm. You were trying, though. [ ... Which, if he thinks about it a little, does mean ... ] I have ... mostly tried to avoid mentioning before too much. Going too fast. Didn't want to make you feel like you were not enough.

[ And maybe Emmet was also afraid of certain things. Stupid, right now. Not the point. He's been a terrible multi partner. His ears are pinned flat.

(In a double battle, if you misread one thing... He's been going about this all wrong, hasn't he?) ]

But you already feel like that, don't you? You worry about it.

[offtracks]

Of course I do! How could I not?

[Ingo's frankly baffled by the suggestion that he wouldn't. Wouldn't anyone? How could you just blithely go on with your new life, never wondering what had come before? It doesn't consume his life. He's happy in Hisui! He had to make his peace with quite possibly never knowing the truth a long time ago, or else it would have eaten him alive. Still, the questions did not vanish.]

...but I...suppose I do see your point...

[Emmet isn't wrong. Hearing about the past, and continuing to fail to recall it...that probably would make Ingo feel bad. The thing is, he's already doing most of that already.]

[outbounds]

[ Emmet just shrugs. Maybe some people, torn from everything they were, thrown into a place where cold practicality seems to be the rule, would just accept the way things are now, and try to make the best of it from there. Build up something new and not worry so much about what came before, what was left behind one way or another. Silly of him, though, to ever think that Ingo would simply settle for what is, instead of forever reaching for things just out of sight. ]

Right. That is why I have tried not to force it. Outside of things that are safer, like Pokemon. Was trying to go at your pace. Did not want to make you feel bad for not remembering.

[ Emmet thought he could bear that burden on his own. Their trip into the forest is an unwelcome wake-up call in that regard. ]

But you are doing that on your own anyway. So. [ ... ] I am Emmet. I was prepared ... I thought I was prepared to just make new memories. If that was what you wanted. But you are also trying to remember.

[ So. A track change is needed. ]

Two questions. Do you want me to try to help, even if it is uncomfortable? And if so. What has worked for you before?

[offtracks]

[Ingo's face draws a little as he looks down at his paws. Finally, he sits back up. Sleep is not happening anytime soon, one way or another.]

I would like that, but - I have found very little to help, in the past. Usually when I try very hard to remember, I will only get a headache, or perhaps...hm, grow distant for a little while?

[He's reaching so hard for the term "zone out", which has itself been lost along with all non-train-related modern lingo!]

I did have a bit of a breakthrough when I first met Akari, and when we first battled! Looking back now - perhaps it was simply familiar to me, to have a proper battle with another trainer? But it has not happened again, though we have had many more matches since. And - [He huffs.] - well, it cannot just be a matter of seeing something familiar, can it? It isn't as though it happened during the first battle I ever had, or when I saw a Pokeball, or anything like that! Laventon even showed me a picture of a train once!

[This is clearly something he has already thought about a lot! It's true that being in such a different environment than futuristic Unova probably did not help matters, but it isn't as foreign as going to an entire other world. Surely there were still plenty of familiar sights? Familiar actions? Emmet knew who Laventon was, for goodness' sake!]

But of course I do not want to simply give up. I've simply been stalled out on these tracks for - a very long time.

[outbounds]

[ Then there's no guarantee anything he can do might help either. That is what Ingo is saying. Well. That means they know where to set their expectations, at least. ]

... I do not know anything about retrograde amnesia. Not the kind of thing covered in emergency first aid training and certification. Mostly just from shows, or movies, but none of that really helps because it is not real.

But memory is complicated. Might be a combination of things. Maybe it is not just the battle but something specific that does or doesn't happen during it, or how it is conducted. Might even be something like the time of day or weather or location. Might be because it is singles and not doubles or multi.

[ Could be any number of things, in the end. No particular combination of things is guaranteed to work, either.

Ingo seems to have put a lot of time, work, and thought into this ... it'd be daunting, maybe, if he were anyone less than who he is. Maybe it is, still.

But he is Emmet, and he likes winning more than anything else. ]

... You know. Back on the beach. When I got sand all over you. You did not have to know me to react to that. [ That reaction, at least, cannot be chalked up to learning Emmet enough to guess how he's supposed to respond. ] No headache either, as far as I know.

[ In case Ingo is still looking for other examples of things Emmet has picked up on. ]

[offtracks]

....oh?

[It takes Ingo a moment to even vaguely remember his reaction on the beach that day. It hadn't stood out to him as significant, especially given everything else that had happened.]

Ah - no, I do not think I had a headache. Something subconscious, perhaps...? That does not feel like anything I have remembered to me. I'm honestly not entirely sure what you mean.