Flowey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
friendlyflower) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bottlecaplogs2025-07-05 03:44 pm
friendlyflower) wrote in bottlecaplogs2025-07-05 03:44 pm
July Catch-All
Who: Flowey & Firepaw, Emporio, Lusamine, and others?
What: Quests (Learning Aides, Growing Harvest), maybe some meetings/interactions
Where: Southern forest, the city gardens, around the city
When: Throughout July
Warnings: Pokemon battling (violence/injury), Flowey's trauma (mentions of/themes of depression, depersonalization, guilt, child death, murder)
What: Quests (Learning Aides, Growing Harvest), maybe some meetings/interactions
Where: Southern forest, the city gardens, around the city
When: Throughout July
Warnings: Pokemon battling (violence/injury), Flowey's trauma (mentions of/themes of depression, depersonalization, guilt, child death, murder)
cw: blood + violence
Then he looks up in time to see the end of a vicious battle. Clumps of bloody fur are scattered in the grass. Firepaw is shredding Zorua with his claws, and Emporio throws an onslaught of bones that leave it battered and knocked out. The satchel Zorua stole from Flowey clatters to the ground. Half-awake, he reaches to grab it, and then remembers he- again- doesn't have arms.
"Is everyone okay?" Tinkaton asks. She hands her remaining oran berry to Firepaw, then checks to make sure Emporio is okay. "Thank you for protecting me... that miscreant would have stolen my research if it weren't for you three!
Flowey huffs. 'You three', indeed. All he did was get knocked out like some kind of idiot.
His shell is scratched up and he can't feel one of his leaves. He's still alive, so it could be worse. He thought he would have gotten used to pain after dying so many times during his resets, but this body is fresh and offers tons of new ways to hurt. What fun!]
... What happened?
[He remembers being blindsided, and he remembers tumbling down a rocky ditch... someone must have carried him back up, right?]
You really showed that thief... heh. I knew you had it in you. [Is he talking to Emporio? Firepaw? Both of them? Unclear. He can't look either of them in the eye, anyway.]
CW: PTSD implications
There's something wet on it...The cubone shakes his head, and with still shaking hands picks up the satchel to bring back. He needs to snap out of this. They could have been seriously hurt, or worse, and for that matter he was practicing medical work for a reason wasn't he??
With a numb nod toward Tinkaton, he sets the satchel down and looks over Flowey.] I... ...I couldn't... ...n...not again.
[He swallows. Blinks, trying to bring himself back to some sense. It's hard though. Flowey's just a seed by all appearances, but...]
W...where does it hurt most still- I can do something to hold you over until we get to the clinic...
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At least we're all still standing.
[His shoulders relax a bit and, not knowing nearly enough to help Flowey, he just leads his weight against Emporio's side in a way that he hopes is comforting and not getting in the way too much. A quiet purr rumbles out of him.]
...You took that hit for me, didn't you, Flowey?
[He's finally cooling down enough to be able to think about what happened.]
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[He turns to Firepaw, his smile fading. He just looks... ashamed? Embarrassed? He doesn't know how he feels. It's all numb at the base, but he can't look him in the eye.] Don't thank me. You're more useful to the team, so I wasn't going to let you get knocked out by a cheap shot like that.
... No. That's not quite it. Actually...
[He casts a glance at Tinkaton. She nods and gives them a little space. With the threat having passed, she busies herself double-checking her research.]
Firepaw, um... I... haha. Geez. I'm not good at this. About what happened... I... I'm s--
[He pauses.]
... I'm soulless.
[He begins to tell a long story. About a young, lonely prince who had a human best friend. About the human's plan to free all the monsters trapped underground. About the human dying. About himself dying. About coming back as a flower. About the tears of joy in his father's eyes, and the way his mother promised she'd never let anything hurt him again, and the underground celebrated all day and all night that the prince was back.
About feeling nothing at all, no matter how hard he tried. And about being able to turn back time, again and again, but never far enough to where it really mattered. Solving everyone's problems, making them all happy, until they stopped feeling real.
And one day, he just wanted to know what would happen. The monster he killed came right back with a reset, none the wiser, but he knew what he had done. A threshold had been crossed, something that he could never undo. But hadn't that been his failing, being too scared to get his hands dirty when it counted?]
I experimented over and over again. I killed everyone. I saved everyone. You can't imagine how it feels. Once you know how someone will react in every situation... that's it. That's all they are.
[He takes a breath, tired from all the talking.]
The fact that they're all alive now. Free, even. It doesn't change what I did. You both must hate me. I wouldn't blame you. After all... even if you still wanted to be my friend, it's not like I can really feel anything about either of you.
... But when I called for help, you were the first person to ever answer, and I wanted that to count for something. [He turns to Emporio.] And you... I think you understood me. [He doesn't say more.]
So even though I can't really mean it, um... sorry for ruining your birthday. I'll never come near either of you after this if you want.
CW: Starting up the Stone Ocean spoilers over here-
He slow blinks into focus, partly by the sound of Flowey's voice. His hands have been moving without thought- pulling out bandages from his own satchel, doing what he can. And shaking, the entire time.
Emporio's eyes don't quite focus on anything as he nods, and he's left silent while the sunkern tells his tale. Silent. Barely comprehending.
If he thinks about it, doesn't it make sense for that to be the path of someone without...]
S....sometimes, people have that. ...It's not...it's not not having a soul. It's just...they can't feel anything. It means the people around them have to teach them, [He manages, a strange and distant tone to his voice.] T...to show them what's right, not based on feelings, but just...on what's right.
But it's not the same as...
[Having no soul.]
...
[Is he crying? He thinks he's crying. That happens a lot. He wants to think it's a cubone thing, but it's really more of a 'him' thing, isn't it. Part of him burns with a question. 'If you can't feel, how do you make yourself cry?' 'If you can't feel, why do you cry out with fear?'
This isn't the time, and he can't even fully comprehend what answers to those questions would do. He...]
....th...there was a man.
[His voice is quiet.]
...there was a man who could take...a person's memory, and their Stand. ...n...not everyone had the latter... ...but I used to think of them as like someone's soul.
...without both... ...a person just died.
...But even... [His voice Breaks.] ...Even after I watched that happen t...to someone...
[...No. No, he can't fully talk about that. Not like this. Not right now.]
...I don't know what the difference is. ...between a soul in your world, and a soul here. ...but...you're still here.
I...I think that counts, for something.
no subject
It does make him feel bad, about how upset he's been with Flowey. Even if he's not entirely sure it's unjustified. It's.... hard to tell, with how little he understands this conversation, whether he should reconsider or not - but he doesn't like the idea of hating someone just because he doesn't understand why they're doing things.
But Emporio is also saying a lot of things he doesn't understand, and he does manage to connect that with the knowledge that all of Emporio's friends are dead. And the fact that he still doesn't know what happens to humans when they die, if they get some version of StarClan or if they just disappear. So before anything else, he presses his body against Emporio's a little more insistantly and starts licking his face, purring loudly the whole time.]
I'm sure it made sense for you, at the time. Doing what you did.
[No he isn't, he's fully grasping at straws. But he does want to believe Flowey is a good person.]
I don't understand it. I don't understand you. But I don't hate you, either. Not everyone has a warrior code to follow, and... I'm sure it's difficult making decisions without anyone else to guide you.
[He doesn't bring it up in as many words, but he might be talking about the fact that he kills other Pokemon for food. It took a few months for him to decide he couldn't live on people food indefinitely, and he still doesn't feel completely guilt-free about it.]
no subject
Their words still resonate with him. "You're still here." He is-- he's always been too stubborn to die.
And, "I'm sure it's difficult making decisions without anyone else to guide you" is enough to make him start to tear up. It reminds him of the burden of living in a world without love, but also without Chara.]
... Sorry, Emporio. [He can't do much to comfort him. He lets Emporio bandage him up if he wants to, at least.] And you're still here, too.
[He focuses on Firepaw. He wants to just leave it at that, but it doesn't feel right if he doesn't understand.]
I'm, uh, never sure how much stuff is different from other worlds. Basically, what I'm trying to say is... I used to be able to feel love and care and happiness and all that crap. But then I died and came back. I didn't have the thing that made me me anymore. I couldn't feel anything. Imagine if you could eat, but you couldn't taste or feel full anymore.
And, 'resetting'... it's like if you went to bed tonight, and when you woke up, it was the morning of the same day you just lived through. The hunts you completed, the things you said to the other cats, they were all undone. And it was like that again and again, forever. [He realizes he probably sounds condescending. He doesn't know how to do any better.]
The point is... even if I am still here, I'm not the good person I used to be. I never can be that person again.
But even then, I want to try and do the right thing. Even though it's hard and it sucks and I just kind of want to leave forever or die or something. [It's an empty threat; he's still too scared to die.]
And although I don't feel anything... I don't want you to be upset or mad at me, either. Either of you. It's not 'care', but... [He doesn't know. He trails off without finishing the sentence.]
no subject
He's the sort who can't help but 'compare'. It's why he brought up what he did. It's why he thought of it at all.
It's why he thought of a man who could tear things out of a person so fundementally, they simply ceased functioning.
(Or in the case of one, almost.)
But somehow his mind had glazed over the idea of...
Resetting. Perhaps because only one noticed. Perhaps because he didn't want to hear it.
He's still shaking.
(It's laughable really. It isn't the same thing at all. It happened only once.)
(He probably understood more than 20%)
He's not sure when he moves, but his arms are around Flowey. Still shaking. Just slightly. But the hug is at least careful, even if the hug of someone in shock.]
Th...th...
[If he says what he's thinking though...
....what if Flowey compares himself to the villain in his story, instead?
...something else then.
Finish the first story.]
The man took someone's memories, but they didn't die. Th...They forgot how to do everything and they didn't die. I never knew what they were like. I'll never know what they were like. I didn't meet that person.
[. . .]
...I'll never know this you, you talked about.
...I met 'you'.
[. . .]
I'm...I'm glad I met you.
no subject
He backs up a step to give them space, and glances over at Tinkaton for some level of guidance. And gets... none, since she's very busy reviewing her notes. StarClan, he's so lost.]
If you want to care about us, I don't think that's very different from caring. I'm... sorry about telling you to eat crow-food.
[His words are slow and carefully weighed - a rarity from him, but he's still organizing his thoughts in real time while he speaks.]
Maybe... some other day we can walk around the city and you can explain more of this to me? Right now, I should probably try to find a way home.
[Really, it's just the jock instincts taking over. Confusion and vulnerability feel bad, he has no idea how to help, but he can go climb a tree, which is helpful in a more immediate way.]
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... thanks. Both of you. [His voice is very, very small.] Yeah. Let's... let's get home.
no subject
...But. Yes. Well, Tinkaton certainly seems to be giving a look that says she, too, is eager to leave so...]
Y..yeah. ...We should get back. Let's get you to the clinic, [he adds seriously, nodding to...well, really both of them. Flowey's had it worse, but both him and Firepaw could use a trip.]
no subject
Lucky for them, the journey back will be a lot easier between Firepaw and Emporio's experience and Tinkaton's new notes. And on the way Firepaw will try to keep the conversation much lighter, just to give them all a break.]