bottlecaplogs | November+December Catch-All

[They catch the irritation, but... it's fine. They were braced for it. Loop's good at having people irritated at them! And besides, that's not the point.]

I knew I was missing something. I'll just have to booby trap the next one!

[If this were... oh, a week-and-change ago, this might have been the moment where they hesitantly tried to ask how she was doing. But back then they hadn't remembered, or fought with her, or anything else. So, do they have the right to ask anymore?]

[They... open their mouth, and then close it again without saying another word.]

[They inspect her scattered sewing supplies out of the corner of their eye instead, trying to find hints in them indirectly. Her room in general.]

[...they should apologize, too. They're... working on that. Figuring out how to start.]

[The next one. Implying there will be a next one?]

Bummer. Well, luckily for you, I'm not hungry anyway, so.

[So the bag remains untouched.

Her room, by virtue of being shared with so many other Pokémon, doesn't look all that much like her room. Still, Siffrin might recognize her cellarette situated in one corner of the den with a number of items—layers of fabrics, small pouches, a snow-white cloak—piled up atop it. It looks like she hasn't left in a while and hasn't bothered to keep the space tidy.

The sheet of parchment laid out before her appears to be a guide on how to sew a plush version of some sort of four-legged, catlike Pokémon. A piece of plain black fabric lying on the cavern floor near Siffrin's paws, cut into a three-pronged shape that might be a head and two front legs, suggests that she'd only just started work on it before losing the will to continue.]

... So are you just gonna sit there, or...?

[Shoka isn't sure what she expects Siffrin to do. She knows that Siffrin, by their own admission, isn't very good at talking (though she wonders if that's still true). She doesn't even need an apology, even if a part of her is still angry with them. She probably owes them an apology, really, for pushing them during their search for Noelle and for being unappreciative of them now. It's not like they had to show up at all, after all, and they must be going through it themself.

She wants them to make good on their promise to catch up with her, maybe, but that could be asking too much. If it were her, she's not sure that she'd know how to start either. She doesn't even know how to start saying the things she should say.]

[Siffrin's ear twitches, and they lift their eye from the lightless shape in front of them.]

Until you kick me out!

[Fortunately(?) for the two of them, while the Siffrin of before would have spent hours overthinking whether they should bring up the "catching up" at all when they're here to check on how she's doing, or whether it's been too long already, or if it'd be making this about them... Loop is good at making things about them! Teehee! It's an easy choice to launch into next, if only to have something to say.]

I said we'd catch up later, didn't I? So I'm here to catch up!

[Though verdict still pending on whether the actual catching up and explaining things is going to be as easy.]

A-and.

[This part's harder. But for the same reasons that it's harder (they can't be flippant about it), it sounds more like the "Siffrin" from before. They're looking to the side, ear flipped back.]

I'm sorry.

[For...?]

For running away and dropping you in a bush, and. For not coming to apologize sooner.

[It should be a relief to hear that they are here to catch up, but they still say it in that too cheerful way that unnerves her (that too cheerful way that she supposes must be the new normal way for them to talk now). What does grant her some relief is the apology that follows—the apology she thought she didn't need. In it, she catches a glimpse of something familiar, and it's enough to make her forget the next unkind thing she was going to say.

Her gaze softens, then drifts off to one side.]

... No big deal. You're lucky I can just patch this thing up any time some dingus busts it.

[Except it's extremely obvious that it was—and is—a big deal. She's had her disguise broken time and again, but this was different from having it take a hit for her in a sparring match. She was humiliated, angry, frightened (more for Siffrin than for herself). To the Mimikyu side of herself, it felt like a betrayal.]

... Did I—... [She's barely started voicing the question when she decides it's too pathetic to even ask—only to then change her mind and power through it anyway.] Did I screw up? By telling you what I did.

I would've remembered soon anyway, kittycat. [Or Odile would've figured it out before them, and then it would've been worse, as far as they're concerned. Not that they didn't end up getting blindsided by her anyway.]

[Despite the nickname, their voice is still toned down... but not for the next sentence:] Probably the next time I talked to stardust, and I might actually have tried to kill him, and then where would we be?

[They lift a paw to their mouth as if to smile behind it, but they don't quite get there - their eyes only scrunch up for a second. It's more habit than anything.]

[Would they have preferred not to know? For the last few days, after they found Odile, probably. But it was already too late by then. And before...] And if I tried harder to figure it out earlier... I would've known everyone was okay earlier, too.

[It's... better this way. Not actually good, they still want to have been stardust desperately, but better than not being able to stay with everyone because they're all dead. Helps to have Odile around and okay with them existing, even if they still miss the others. Weirdly really helps to have stardust around.]

[And even more strangely: there's more people than their family(?) who care about them, here in Bottlecap Bay...? At least a little bit?]

[Well. That's if people still care about "Loop" rather than "Siffrin," when stardust's there to be Siffrin for them. They're trying not to think about it.]

[Right. She remembers now that Siffrin said it themself before, too: If we don't, Odile will.

It doesn't make her feel better exactly, but it does make her lower her guard that much more. At least they don't resent her and at least she didn't make things worse for them... as far as she can tell.]

So... It went okay, then? Between you and Stardust.

Y-yeah.

[This is kinda weird to talk about, isn't it...? Like. In a way besides them struggling to talk about personal problems. It's the whole "talking about your relationship with another version of you" thing??? Weird!]

[How does stardust handle it...]

[Anyway!] He was stupid, but then he was all mushy about it so I forgave him!

[That covers it, right?? ...no, Shoka deserves a bit more of an explanation than that. Urgh.]

[...]

Um. He knew the whole time, but he thought I was happier while I didn't.

[A lot of this is kind of a self-diss too. They're not acknowledging this.]

[Shoka's eyes widen. The whole time...

Just like that, the guilt returns. If Stardust—their friend (?)—knew and chose to say nothing for Loop's sake, should she have kept her mouth shut after all? Even if they thought it inevitable that they'd remember eventually, what if they were wrong?]

... Were you happier, before?

[They act happier now, all smiles, cutesy nicknames, and playful jabs, but it feels fake. It reminds her of herself.]

[...]

You saw how I was with the [lowercase] ghosts, kittycat! What do you think?

[Not that she isn't totally right about them faking things now... but they were doing it before, too. They just weren't as over the top and in people's faces with the kind of faking it the were doing. (Stardust still does it plenty.)]

Like I said! He was being stupid.

... Okay.

[That's good.]

And... who even is Stardust, exactly?

[Maybe she should have asked that first. She... thinks she knows, having spent plenty of time trying to piece together the things Siffrin told her that day, but she's also spent the same amount of time doubting and second-guessing herself.]

He's... you. But not you. Right?

[A different version from another timeline, maybe, or another dimension.]

["You're what's left, I suppose."]

[But no, that doesn't really work anymore, does it?]

He's Siffrin! Since I screwed up and wished myself out of it, haha!

[They are trying so hard to make this just sound like the rest of their glib little comments, like it doesn't bother them.]

I guess the Universe still wanted a Siffrin! Or... maybe it still needed to grant some other wishes? [Something like that.]

[So it's true; Siffrin is Loop is Stardust. But—that's not actually what they said, is it? He's Siffrin...

Her eyes narrow.]

Wished yourself—... The hell's that supposed to mean?

[Oh, right - they never did tell Shoka about their wish, they think? They don't remember, but it wasn't something they would've wanted to talk about. Now, though... it's easier to talk about as "Loop," heh. And she already knows basically everything around it anyway!]

I gave up, kittycat! I wished it would all just be over!

[There's an odd twist to their smile - they've talked about it, so she probably knows what they mean. At least a little bit... if they were never going to get out, they wanted their death to just stick. But they phrased it much more vaguely than that! Barely knew what they were wishing for at that point, really, they were just desperate!]

I didn't know if anyone was listening, but I guess I did it right, because the Universe was!

[...]

It's why I thought I was here in the first place, you know? When I didn't remember. [Who knows why they're actually here, now. Or why stardust is. They haven't really thought about it in the past week.] But I was wrong!

Because I did get out, but there still needed to be a Siffrin. So stardust got to start from scratch! And the Universe decided I needed to be around, to watch it happen!

[She does know what they mean. She deflates, ears flattening against either side of her disguise-head; again, her gaze softens.]

That's...

[Some powerful wishing? Twisted? Completely fucked?

A fresh, very different kind of anger starts to bubble up from within her. It takes her a long moment of silence—of gathering and lining up all the pieces in her head—to manage her next question.]

So—what? Stardust went through the same stuff you did—with the King and everything... But you were just also there?

[Siffrin tilts their head and waits through the silence, tip of their tail twitching.]

...you got it! [Brightly.]

[Well...] Maybe not "there." There was no way I was going to step foot in that House again!

But if I could sit at the Favor Tree and watch what they were up to anyway, I figured I might as well give helpful advice!

[They can't help but sound a little more sarcastic when they say 'helpful.' Stardust found out so much more than they ever did. But he thought that Loop being there was the only reason he really did break the time loops, and... who knows, maybe he was right.]

[A quick ripple of static moves through the skirts of her form.] Sounds to me like the Universe didn't even change much of anything, then. If the loops or whatever were still going, and you were still—

[All alone out there.]

—Just stuck there...

[They were even grateful, for a while. That at least they didn't have to keep going, or do anything. It's strange to remember that now, when...]

Haha! Yeah, it does sound that way, doesn't it?

[(But they can only follow!!!)]

[

.

]

[Oh. They're digging their claws into the floor, and the only reason they've noticed is because what's underfoot is rock instead of dirt. They retract them, and make themself take a breath.]

But that's stardust! He's Siffrin - the one who actually broke out of the time loops, properly.

Edited 2025-11-26 04:35 (UTC)

[The last piece clicks into place. Broke out properly. A perfect ending. Maybe the Universe did change something after all.

Cold realization settles over her; she feels a phantom sob lodged in the back of her throat. Under her disguise rag, her claws unsheathe themselves, too, scraping uselessly over rock.]

... You keep saying that. That he's Siffrin. [It's kind of pissing her off.] So what does that make you?

[...]

[That is the question, isn't it? They're not sure they get to be Siffrin anymore, they opted out twice - once with their wish, then again when they gave up on replacing stardust. But it's all muddied now, with them having been Siffrin here for months, technically "afterward," and with stardust and Odile trying to let them share the name.]

...I don't know. Siffrin, The Prologue? Loop? A - [No, Loop, let's not say "A corpse?"]

[They turn it into a forced laugh instead.] That really was a stupid name. I should probably stick to nicknames!

[They wonder if someone else came up with Siffrin. It's definitely not... the first name they ever had, because they wouldn't be able to think it at all if it were, but they don't remember getting it either.]

[It really pisses her off. While they laugh, she bristles. Energized by the displaced, refreshed memory in her head, she almost asks why the hell they can't continue on being just Siffrin when it wasn't their fault, when they were first, when they're the only Siffrin she knows and cares about.

But that's their memory, not hers, and it's their decision to make—their own issue to unravel. She's still not sure she has a right to even offer to help them with that now, even if they chose to tell her all of this. The anger drains out of her slowly; she sags in place as exhaustion returns to her, now accompanied by a slight dizziness.

Instead, she observes,] ... You never gave me a nickname, before.

[It's a neutral statement. She doesn't dislike being called Kittycat, really, even if it's a change (even if it's a reminder that things are different now). Beat used to always call her something similar. Truthfully, she never disliked Loop either.]

Are we— [—Still friends? That questions is definitely too pathetic, so she settles for,] Can I still call you Frinrin, or should I—...?

...no. I wasn't really giving out nicknames for a while!

[They don't elaborate. They can't put into words why, exactly, when they gave out nicknames to their party as Siffrin. Isa's nickname was thanks to him nicknaming them first, of course, but then - Shoka did the same...]

[Something like... if they killed their friends, then should they really...]

[It doesn't matter anymore. Now they know they didn't, they suppose. And now they're "Loop," and Loop makes cutesy nicknames for people!]

[But speaking of which - their ear twitches again, and for a moment they meet Shoka's gaze. Their expression is slightly startled, a little bit unsure.] As... as long as you still want to...?

[Then it's right back to sparkling.] But if you don't, I'm making you promise not to call stardust that either! I'm not sharing!

[She snorts.] Duh. It's yours. I don't even know him...

[She's only really talked to Stardust once, and yet she knows so much more about him than she should. Still, he isn't her friend. The strangeness of it all almost makes her laugh before she remembers everything else. The humor in her voice is weak and fleeting.]

I guess—I might not know that much about you either now... That's... a lot you remembered. [And it's a lot they came to catch her up on, true to their word.] But... yeah. I want to. [She wants to still call them by the dumb name she gave them, and she wants to know them.] As long as you want to. Obviously.

[She studies their face. She shrugged it off earlier, but now more of the truth comes tumbling out.]

You... really freaked me out. Disappearing on me like that. I get it, but... [But she missed them.] Ugh...

[They almost open their mouth to say that she does know Siffrin, though - and they wouldn't be sure which tone it'll come out of their mouth with until it does, bitter or resigned or morbidly amused or -]

[But if they actually make themself stop and try to think about it, they... guess they know what she means. Even if they think they'll be less like the Siffrin she knew, now, than stardust will - stardust wasn't the Siffrin that did spend the last six months here with Shoka. Those experiences aren't shared.]

[But they also can't reassure her about knowing them, if there's a Siffrin and they have to be someone else, can they...?]

[...]

...yeah. I'm sorry. [They've already said it, but.] I wasn't... thinking about anything else, and after...

[. . .]

I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me. If I wasn't the same. [And, you know, the whole tossing into a bush thing! (Aaaaand they were still trying to figure out who they're supposed to be now... but that hasn't really changed.)]

...but I still should have talked to you.

Are you kidding me.

[The words slip out before she can think them over. How can they think she didn't want to see them? She tried to chase them down, didn't she, even after they literally tossed her aside? She told them she wanted to talk, told them she had their back...

But she knows exactly how they could think that. They don't even confidently call themself Siffrin anymore, and it would be a lie to say that she wasn't alarmed and upset by the sudden changes in them. She also knows exactly how big of a deal it is for them to tell her so much and to say that they should have talked to her. She understands because the same is true of her.

The expression in her eyes shifts from what looks like anger (but is closer to hurt) to surprise, then to regret.]

Maybe... that's my fault. I thought you were done with me...

[And as a result, she'd been standoffish when she saw them again, reverting back to the guarded, prickly creature she was in front of all strangers. When they arrived to help search for Noelle, she'd barely even looked at them, and now she can't even stomach the malasadas they went through the trouble of bringing her. None of that could have helped.]

I'm—sorry, too. [For...?] For that, and for—being a jerk in general. I mean, even more so than usual. Everything's... really sucked lately.

[But she shouldn't have made that their problem when they were going through enough as it was. Even so—they asked her once to tell them whenever she had a bad week. Despite herself, she's been wanting desperately to do just that. Noelle is back at the clinic after telling her she wished they never met, she misses Siffrin, she can't stand the thought of eating, her head is killing her, she's been thinking of disappearing again, of water and dust and no expectations for her, and she can't even make one stupid art project about it—]

This sucks, too. Not—this, or you, just... Everything that happened to you. Is happening to you. Wh-whatever... I should've...

[Should've... what? Been there for them? Not been so weird about it all? Would that have even been possible? Pathetically, her breath (the breath she doesn't even need) hitches.]

Edited 2025-12-07 22:02 (UTC)

November+December Catch-All

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a crumb of character development... real...

(CHEERING) 1/2

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